Hot destinations lists
It’s that time of year again where every guidebook publisher, newspaper travel section and website trots out its list of the top ten hot travel destinations for 2010. From Lonely Planet to the Guardian, you can guarantee that anyone who’s anyone will have their own spurious list. And, therefore, Grumpy Traveller shall do too.
This list has been exhaustively researched and is based on absolute truth. I have not in any way just picked ten random destinations from the top of my head.
Bergamo, Italy
Because if we say Rome, Florence or Venice, it looks like we’ve been lazy and not done our job properly. There’s not actually much to see in Bergamo, but we’ll pretend there is anyway for the sake of looking cool.
Belarus
Because all the other Eastern European shitholes have already been covered in previous years.
Liberia
There hasn’t been a war there for about 27 minutes. Ergo, it surely must be the hot new destination for intrepid types. There’s probably at least one reasonably nice beach where you’re unlikely to have your arm lopped off with a machete.
Lexington, Kentucky
Tradition dictates that at least one entry on these lists has to be linked to a major sporting event. Picking the football World Cup in South Africa or Winter Olympics in Vancouver is for the plebs, however. We’re cool. We know that the World Equestrian Championship takes place in Lexington this September and October. Hell yeah; take that Condé Nast.
St Lucia
Because an expensive five star resort chain which provides this site with copious amounts of advertising revenue has just opened there.
Benin
Damn – we need somewhere that’s celebrating some kind of anniversary, don’t we? Um, er… Benin’ll do. It became independent from France in 1960, so it’s got to be hot.
Redonda, Antigua and Barbuda
OK, so it’s big uninhabited rock. But we sound impressive by knowing it exists, and besides, we’ve already used the other Caribbean islands in the past.
Glasgow, Scotland
It is mandatory to include Glasgow on these lists. Someone will decide Glasgow is newly hip every year, seemingly oblivious to all the other publications that have been doing exactly the same thing since 1988. To comply with international law, I must also state that it is fast becoming Scotland’s cultural capital and is giving Edinburgh a serious run for its money.
Belfast, Northern Ireland
See Glasgow.
The Nullarbor Plain, Australia
That’ll be the unheralded area of big, popular country box ticked then. Who cares if it’s bland, featureless and probably the last place anyone visiting that country would sensibly wish to visit? It’s new. GET WITH THE PROGRAMME.
And 2010’s top new hip hotel…
Hotel Whank, Chipping Norton, England
Promising to put the ‘hip’ back into Chipping Norton, this stylish 364 star boutique design art hotel is owned by Theo from the Cosby Show and the drummer from Snow Patrol. The beds have been hand-carved from jelly and the menu in the Whank bistro has been specially chosen by someone who once filled in for Phil Vickery on This Morning.
The lobby features a glass pyramid that Sir Norman Foster shat out while he was drunk.
Tags: destinations, lists, travel media, Travel Writing
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Really think youre missing out on the ad dollar by not naming a big cruise ship/Vegas/or any Emirate with cash? Still good to see the centre of the known universe, Glasgow, up there still…
Maybe the title should be “Top ten hottest new travel destinations for 2010 in countries I´ve visited”
How bout South America locations? La Paloma, Uruguay (surfing capital), Floriapolis, Brazil (zillion beaches with spectacular seafood and wildlife viewing to match), Esquel, Argentina (lake camping summer, skiing hotspot in winter)…
etc. etc. Dude, you need to get out more.
Merry X-mas.
Um, I can’t help feeling that you may have spectacularly missed the point here, Molly…
Well, Molly, you’re not the only one who appears to have missed the point of some of David’s articles. He is very, very subtle in what he writes. I guess I (we?) maybe don’t understand the younger generation of journalists and their type of humor. Think I’ll go sit on my rocker on the porch and knit the young man a pair of hot pink socks! (or whatever color a Monserrat soccer shirt is)
Oh dear, tears of laughter streaming down my face. Thought I’d need some respiratory assistance device after reading the comments
Thank you, grumpy, for cheering me up so much despite it conflicting with your grumpy principles
Nice to see australia is on the list. Where are the top ten places for kids an families.
Hi James. The top ten places for kids and families are wherever you want them to be. But, in the spirit of these lists, I can officially tell you that the guaranteed best ten are:
1. Mozambique
2. Dubbo
3. Edinburgh zoo
4. Nauru
5. The 12th arrondisement of Paris
6. A mine in South Africa
7. Jackie Chan’s casino in Macau
8. Chernobyl
9. The Grand Canyon
10. The Moomin Museum in Tampere, Finland
Great post David!!! I think some people have skipped your first paragraph, and just looked at the list of destinations. Oh dear! Keep on Grumping!
David, sadly I can only think of a few shockers immediately and they are all in Oz …
1. Nirvana Motel, somewhere on NSW north coast – think Prisoner, Cell Block H
2. Any motel whatsoever on NSW north coast – see above
3. Austrian/Bavarian-styled B&B on NSW south coast – particularly shocking
4. Cable Beach Resort, WA – how can it call itself 5 star – disgraceful
5. Thursday Island – nanny state
6. Byron Bay – nanny state
7. Manly Beach, NSW – overpriced, over-governed, can’t get a bus or taxi out – and you need to leave