Hey, you! Yes – you. The one with the s-mokin’ hot blog. We need to have a word. About the way you write. Yep, you heard OK, *the way YOU write*.
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So, you read an e-book. I get that. I *get* that. We’ve all read that e-book. The one that tells you how to write online. Write online EFFECTIVELY.
It has some great advice. Like writing in short sentences. All the time. So your audience can understand. Because they have the reading age of a four year old.
This is being a clear communicator. It helps get the message across. EFFECTIVELY. Sometimes, you can use really short paragraphs. For effect.
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But, woah! It’s not just about sentence length, blog rockstar. It’s about *tone*. It’s sassy. It’s kinda kooky. It’s about being the cool cat you are, gunslinger. It’s literary finger pistols and bunny ear quote marks. It shows that you’re a *real* person. And a darned hip one too!
But your readers are stupid. PRACTICALLY BRAINDEAD. So how do you reach out to them? EASY! By using simple techniques to emphasise your point.
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There are LOTS of these techniques. One is using capital letters in RANDOM words. People LOVE being SHOUTED at!
And don’t forget the exclamation marks! Each one makes your *ripsnorting* joke even funnier! Yes – EVEN FUNNIER!
Don’t forget to repeat your key points. Repeating your key points works. So repeat your key points. Repeat your key points.
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What’s really great? You wanna know what’s really great? Italics. They turn your amazing words into awesome words. Awesome!
Put things in bold, too. Frequently. It shows people what words are important. And when ALL your words are *important*, it shows which ones are uber-important.
Doing this WORKS. It makes things *easy to read*. It makes your words stand out. That’s the theory, right. Huh, sharpshooter?!
Especially if you put *some* words between asterisks. Or make one sentence into many. By. Putting. Full. Stops. Between. All. The. Words.
Unfortunately, though, all of this just has one effect. *It* makes WHAT you write completely UNREADABLE. And. YOU. Look. *Like*. A!. COMPLETE.