The best break-up places in the world
There are many places around the world that are absolutely perfect for a romantic Valentines break, but what if things aren’t all rosy? What if you’d really like to call the whole thing off? Well, in that case, you’ll need somewhere so horribly unromantic that taking a loved one there for Valentines Day would conveniently engineer an instant dumping…
Rotorua, North Island, New Zealand
In many ways, Rotorua would be the perfect romantic destination. It’s set in beautiful countryside, has plenty of activities and adrenalin sports for adventurous couples to try out and has award-winning spa complexes. In fact there’s only one problem – it absolutely stinks.
Rotorua is in a massive thermal hotspot, ensuring geysers keep popping up all over the place and the constant eggy smell of sulphur. Just the ticket for that intimate dinner for two…
Eyam, Derbyshire, England
A small village in the Peak District, Eyam is best known as the village for its actions during the Black Death of 1665. As plague swept the country, the village elected to close itself off once people fell ill. In order to not pass the disease on to outsiders, the villagers isolated themselves from the outside world for 16 months. Only 83 out of 350 residents survived.
Attractions sure to chill the heart of the one you no longer love include a register of victims in the church and tombstones in the graveyard.
Ixmiquilpan, Mexico
What could possibly cement a bond between two people more than spending a night in the open country, floundering in panicked terror while being ruthlessly hunted down and shot at by merciless border guards? That’s the experience on offer at Parque Eco Alberto, a theme park which promises to give a proper taste of what it’s like for Mexican immigrants illegally trying to enter the United States. The guards are actors, and the shots are blanks, but it’s about as far away as you can possibly get from canoodling in a private beach bungalow with love heart pillows.
Linfen City, China
Pretty much an ever present in those prestigious top ten lists of the world’s most polluted cities, Linfen is at the heart of China’s coal-producing Shanxi Province. The city is dotted with a phenomenal amount of power stations and iron foundries, and it is generally agreed to have the worst air quality in the world as well as interestingly-coloured rivers. The ancient city has plenty of history and acts as a stopping off point for nearby waterfalls and temples, but the mask you’ll need to wear should get in the way of any kissing.
Amsterdam, The Netherlands
There are some lovely parts of Amsterdam, but the famous Red Light District is not one of them. So, for a fabulous break-up break, why not book a hotel right in the middle of it, then trawl up and down the canals looking at depressed-looking hookers flashing their wares in the window?
To top off the smoochy vibe, the pubs in the area seem to cater solely for annihilated stag parties, while the main dining experience is greasy fries covered in tonnes of salad cream.
And just in case that hasn’t ruined everything, why not sit in a ‘coffee shop’ and get wasted to the point of being utterly useless in bed?
The River Danube, Austria
Ah, the Blue Danube; perfect for a lovey-dovey cruise. That’s why you should forget about the boat altogether, and opt for more interesting accommodation.
Just outside of Linz is Dasparkhotel, which is a series of drainpipes that can be hired out for the night. All come with a bed and an electrical supply, but they’re hardly the epitome of comfort. And, though we hate to break it to the man who came up with the idea, there’s something not all that cuddly and sexy about sleeping in a drainpipe.
Kingston-upon-Hull, England
There is plenty of competition for the competition of the most ugly, depressing town in Europe, but Hull has to be near the top of that list. A port city, it is largely known for shipping people over to the equally grim Zeebrugge in Belgium. Throw in a bit of isolation from the rest of the country, an identikit British streetscape and a lack of attractions that even the most optimistic guide book would be hard pressed to gloss over, and it’s the perfect place for a miserable final fling.
Chernobyl, Ukraine
You don’t tend to see many cute little fluffy bunnies in a nuclear fallout zone, and up until recently you didn’t see many tourists either. However, there are now tour companies and day trip operators that are brave/ foolish enough to explore the area that was practically closed off after 1986’s reactor meltdown. Observers now say that there are now negligible radioactivity levels in the region, but even so, any visits to the site and surrounding ghost towns are done at your own risk.
Las Vegas, United States
The capital of sin, Vegas is all about gambling, ostentatious shows, vice and the old classic… wedding ceremonies conducted by a man dressed as Elvis. Viva Las Vegas Weddings are the people to talk to for the ultimate nuclear option – arranging a surprise ceremony in the tackiest place on earth. And then, once it’s all ended in tears, gamble away a fortune or watch horse-faced warbler Celine Dion induce further waterworks.
This article was originally written for Ninemsn.
Copyright David Whitley
