Some of us dread February 14th coming round: women skipping through the streets with enormous teddies and whole gardens’ worth of flowers, lovers slobbering all over each other in public parks and every restaurant crammed with cooing couples. It can be horrible, and that’s why we’ve decided to track down the best places to head to if you’re wanting to avoid the whole Valentines mess.
A monastery
They hardly publicise it by placing adverts amongst the luxury hotels in posh travel magazines, but most monasteries offer some kind of accommodation to travellers. In some, it’s simply a case of following a monastic code and managing to put up someone in need, somewhere, for the night. Others are more organised, and raise funds through people wanting to come and stay for a retreat and the quiet life.
Don’t expect a barrel of laughs – such retreats are designed strictly for Christian contemplation – but one thing’s for certain; you’ll not be anywhere near cavorting couples.
Iran
It may be part of George Bush’s Axis of Evil, and it may have some appallingly unenlightened laws, but there are some major advantages to travelling in Iran.
The first is that there is a wealth of fantastic sites to see, whether it’s the cities of Shiraz, Isfahan and Qom or the ruins of Susa and eco-tourism ventures on Qeshm Island. Secondly, the people are legendarily friendly (once you get past the ranting president and religious leaders, anyway).
However, for the purposes of ickiness avoidance, it’s perfect. Men are not allowed to go out in public with a non-related female, and public displays of affection were declared illegal last year after concern over lovers meeting up in public parks.
A desert barn
The Wild West Retreat in Escalante, Utah ticks all the boxes for avoiding Valentines mushiness. It’s a private barn to rent out – so no other hotel guests to get gooey around you. It’s in the middle of nowhere – so there’s hardly a soul around. And it’s in a thoroughly religious part of the world where, even if you did by chance stumble across a loved-up couple, any PDAs would be heartily frowned upon by all and sundry.
Of course, it’s not necessary to stay huddled away in the barn all day – there’s great hiking and horse-riding available in the nearby desert region.
Brazil
Brazil is often thought of as a seriously sexy country (think samba dancing and revealing carnival costumes), but February 14th is just another day over there.
Big cards are generally only exchanged by non-Brazilians, as the locals have their very own mushfest to attend to on June 12th. Called the Day of the Enamoured, this is when boyfriends and girlfriends traditionally exchange chocolates, flowers and dreadful poetry.
Still, just to be on the safe side, it’s probably best to head out where there are very few people, and the Amazon rainforest fits the bill nicely. There are plenty of jungle expeditions that are bookable in Amazonia’s main city, Manaus, many of which take a fair old while and go to ridiculously hard-to-reach places.
Romania
Like Brazil, Romania has its own version of Valentine’s Day on another date. Dragobete is celebrated on February 24th, and is a traditional holiday.
In recent years, however, Valentine’s Day has started to become more popular, leading to a huge backlash against it. So, while there will be lovebirds canoodling because it’s February 14th, they will be doing so against the force of public opinion in possibly the most anti-Valentines nation on earth.
However, it’s probably best to get out to the remote regions in order to avoid the soppiness entirely. Try walking in the Carpathian Mountains or cycling through Transylvania for a little extra anti-social serenity.
A mountain cave
The Hatter’s Hideout in the Blue Mountains has a rather novel concept – a fully-furnished cave that those wanting to get away from it all can hire out. There is a lodge attached for those preferring extra creature comforts, but many visitors decide that camping out in the cave is far more exciting.
It has great views of Mt Wilson and the Wollemi National Park, but realistically it’s a good distance away from civilisation, so there are no local shops overloaded with inflatable hearts and exhortations to buy things for loved ones.
Wilderness camping
Whilst largely discouraged in Australia, wilderness camping in the US is rather popular. Admittedly that’s usually with bearded men, but it’s the perfect way of getting away from it all if you don’t mind taking on the conditions and the wildlife.
Most of the National Parks in the States allow travellers to head on out there, pitch their tents where they choose to camp and sleep under the stars.
This isn’t Nam, though; there are rules. Everything that comes in with you, including water, food and shelter, has to be taken with you when you leave. And it’s necessary to bring just about everything with you in the first place – there are no convenient facilities like shower blocks and TV rooms.
Still, the only couples you’re likely to encounter are bears, and that’s what counts.
This article was originally written for Ninemsn.com.au
Copyright David Whitley
